too dumb for cinema

August 23rd, 2009

So….Atonement. I DVR’ed the movie when it was played on HBO last week, for two reasons:

1. Keira Knightly + James McAvoy = HAWTNESS.
2. The movie won an Oscar, was nominated for a billion more Oscars and won 37 awards I’ve never heard of…so it had to be good, right?

I’m not ashamed to admit that the subtleties (had to retype that 3 times to avoid writing “subtitles”) of this movie confused the HELL out of me. Critics apparently love subtleties which is why the movie won all of the previously mentioned awards.

Me, I guess I need to stick with schlock like “The Notebook” with an ending I can see a mile away.

insert witty comment about haircut here

August 15th, 2009

I broke up with my former hairstylist today…she just doesn’t know it yet. I’d grown increasingly frustrated with the job she was doing and the corners she was cutting, so I made an appointment at a high end place near work. Holy shit, what a difference. Scalp massage? Back massage? Arm and hand massage while I have a hot towel on my head with a conditioning treatment? And all of that for the same price I’ve been paying my regular stylist all along.

I was so happy, I tipped the new stylist 35%! Now, if she’s just come over to my house 3 or 4 times a week and do my hair for me, I’d be set for life.

where the sidewalk ends

August 10th, 2009

Having been a fan of Shel Silverstein since my 2nd grade teacher (Miss Carol-Ann) introduced me to him, I was delighted find this piece of Mental Floss detailing how a guy who was thrown out of the University of Illinois rose to fame and became beloved by children (and adults) near and far.

After reading the link above, I felt compelled to pull down my own copy of A Light In The Attic (a gift for my 10th birthday) to share my favorite Shel Silverstein poem with you. I also feel compelled to share that I have been known to write rhyme to people I feel will get it – be they known followers of Shel or not. Which leads to emails like “My computer is fine for worky, but the fonts are kind of quirky.”

And now, on to the poem:

Clarence

Clarence Lee from Tennessee
Loved the commercials he saw on T.V.
He watched with wide believing eyes
And bought everything they advertised-
Cream to make his skin feel better,
Spray to make his hair look wetter,
Bleach to make his white things whiter,
Stylish jeans that fit much tighter.
Tooth paste for his cavities,
Powder for his doggies fleas,
Purple mouthwash for his breath,
deodorant to stop his sweet.
He bought each cereal they presented,
bought each game that they invented.
Then one day he looked and saw
“A brand-new Maw, a better Paw!
New,improved in every way-
Hurry,orders yours today!”
So, of course, our little Clarence
Sent off for two brand-new parents.
The new ones came in the morning mail,
The old ones he sold at a garage sale.
And now they all are doing fine:
His new folks treat him sweet and kind,
His old ones work in an old coal mine.
So if your Maw and Pa are mean
And make you eat your lima beans
And make you wash and make you wait
And never let you stay up late
And scream and scold and preach and pout,
That simply means they’re wearing out.
So send off for two brand-new parents
And you’ll be as happy as little Clarence…

From A Light in the Attic
by Shel Silverstein

$240 dollars worth of pudding…oh yeah.

August 9th, 2009

The State is one of my favorite sketch comedy shows ever. I can instantly bond with anyone who remembers this show…but not many people do. It only appeared on MTV for 3 seasons, maybe 1993-1995? You can still catch members of the troupe on TV – Thomas Lennon and a few others do Reno 911, and Michael Ian Black has apparently sold his soul to VH1, judging from the number of appearances he makes on “Best Week Ever” and the various “I Love (insert decade here)” shows.

They were at their best when they appeared on MTV though, and this video clearly proves it:

$240 worth of pudding

what a difference 16 years makes

August 8th, 2009

I was going through old blog posts here this morning in an effort to organize a few things, and came across my birthday countdown from last year – the one with a LOT of old pictures of me. When I spotted my graduation picture from 1993, I knew I had to do this with it:

grad 93 09

At the left, me at 16 after my high school graduation in 1993. At the right, me at 32 after my college graduation in 2009. I just did the math in my head and realized that I doubled in age between these two pictures….damn!

i guess this means i’m back!

August 7th, 2009

I suppose that this series of posts over the past few days means that I’m back as a regular blogger. Without school occupying my every waking moment, I have more free time…so here I am. You get bullet points tonight, because hey, I’ve been to happy hour and bullets are easier than paragraphs.

  • Less than 2 months remain until IzeaFest! I purchased my ticket months and months ago – I can’t really pass up a blogging conference in Orlando…a mere 2 hours from my house. Throw in a scavenger hunt (I was on the winning team last year, as you may recall!) and a SeaWorld blogger takeover and I was ALL IN. Of course, it helps that the conference means a mini-vacation for me…no kids, no husband, all bloggers, all geek speak, all weekend. Bliss!
  • Billy Mays was snorting coke and that’s what led to his death. I didn’t expect that one. I’m a bit naive about drug use I suppose…
  • Speaking of drug use, I’m in agreement with Laura that Crackbook Facebook is killing blogging. It is WAY easier to bore people with mini-updates there than full blog posts here.
  • I’m going to see the local team play baseball tomorrow. Meeting my sister, taking the kids – full on best mom ever mode. Yay me!

the sausage king of chicago

August 6th, 2009

I’ve seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off at least 100 times – how could you miss it when it’s on TBS every other weekend? I practiced scenes from The Breakfast Club in drama class in high school. I loved Jake Ryan. So it is with a heaviness in my heart that I reflect on the passing of John Hughes – the 80′s teen flick director who made teenage angst compelling time and time again. From Ferris skipping school to Claire Standish putting on her lipstick using her boobs, John Hughes was a freaking genius. Need I mention he wrote National Lampoons Vacation, giving us such quotable lines as “I don’t know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh?” and “First ones here!” which we quote on a regular basis in my house.

Edited to add: Amy posted this amazing story of a teenaged girl who was pen pal to John Hughes during the 80′s. Good stuff.

back to school blues

August 6th, 2009

I might be the only parent out there NOT looking forward to back to school. On one hand, I do look forward to my electric bill going back down – with the kids home all day, every day, my a/c has been cranking, and the electric bill has been $250 a month easily. But on the other hand, I don’t look forward to trudging through the store buying all of the assorted crap required to go back to school…dry erase markers, 37 composition books, fancy calculators that will probably never be used, and the like. I don’t ever recall my parents buying me a $100 calculator for school, which come to think of it, is probably why I failed Algebra and had to retake it.

Back to school also requires me to be ON TOP OF THINGS. Like checking homework and signing permission slips and writing out checks for one field trip or another. I have to be ON TOP OF THINGS all day long at work, and when I come home, I like to be done with that sort of nonsense. It’s lovely to come home from work and know that as long as the kids are fed and loved, I have done my job, but that is simply not good enough come August 24th. And the paper – don’t even get me STARTED on the amount of paper generated by the school. Not a day passes that 10 different forms are sent home – fill out this in triplicate, or hold onto this because we’re going to refer to information on it 6 months from now!

So yeah, I guess my kids aren’t the only ones in our house not looking forward to their return to school.

did you see me on tv?

August 2nd, 2009

Nope? Me either.

Apparently people in Boise and Buffalo saw me, but in my local market, my segment was replaced by a paid segment. (Probably the lawyer who talked to the host while his URL was flashing at the bottom of the screen?) Ironic that a segment about a Tampa girl on paid blogging and making money online was bumped for a paid segment?

I’m currently in negotiations to get a copy of the show with ME on it.

i’m going to be on tv tomorrow!

July 27th, 2009

Two important things should be noted about tomorrow:

1. It’s my birthday, and I will be twenty-thirteen.

2. I am going to be on a local morning show to talk about sponsored blogging and Izea! It’s the second time I’ll have ever been on TV. My television debut was at the ripe old age of 4 on Romper Room. I’ll actually be on the very same TV channel (WFLA – Channel 8 in Tampa) tomorrow morning on the Daytime show. The show airs from 10am until 11am, and I’m scheduled to go on around 9:30, so set your DVR’s!

*Edited to add: I just returned from taping my segment – it will air on THURSDAY, not today as I thought.